


shut your mind off (and let your heart hear me)

by BeHappily



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ballet Dancer Harry Styles, Friends With Benefits, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg Harry, Single Parent Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-13 03:57:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeHappily/pseuds/BeHappily
Summary: Harry wants Louis for a while, Louis wants Harry forever, but emotions and a little human get in their way.Or, an AU where Louis is a single father to cute twins, Harry is a ballet dancer who doesn't want any relationship, and they foolishly become friends with benefits, but maybe it wasn't so bad after all.





	shut your mind off (and let your heart hear me)

**Author's Note:**

> Woah I can't believe I actually managed to finish this. Its the longest fic I've written so far (though it was supposed to be even longer but my lazinness and poor time management got in a way) and I absolutely love it. Also please keep in mind through reading that english isn't my first language and sometimes it may not make much sense.
> 
> Big thanks to my lovely beta Rose, without her this would be unreadable. 
> 
> It's loosely based on the prompt; "Louis is an overworked, overstressed divorced father to two girls who are obsessed with ballet. Harry is the city's charming star dancer who might need to calm down before he ends up hurting himself. They create a little more than just stress relief."
> 
> Also I have no idea if there are any ballet championships or if ballet dancers go on tours but for the sake of this fic let's pretend it's all true.
> 
> Title from 'don't leave' by MØ and Snakeships.

*L*

"Careful with that rose, Cas," Louis chuckles, gently moving his daughter's hand so that the flower is resting petals down. Franky does the same thing without his help and Louis grins, showing her thumbs up. He sees them both whisper apologies to their flowers for holding them wrong. His three year olds are too precious for this world and he knows he will forever wonder how did he ever get so lucky to have them.

Louis shifts in his chair, eyeing the arena. The lights are dimmed and atmosphere around is serious and quiet, and Louis feels like he's about to see the queen, not watch some dude dancing. In all fairness though that dude is a ballerina well known all around Europe and a person his daughters are absolutely obsessed with this year. He still kind of wishes they could go back to loving princesses as buying dolls wasn't even half as crazy expensive as buying three front row tickets to Harry Styles' show in London.

Suddenly lights dim even more and so he can barely see pure happiness on his daughters' faces which is a shame. Slow tunes start to tickle his ears and then there's bright bluish light on the stage in front of them. Louis can still hear everyone holding their breath. As music grows louder, a man, Harry, appears on stage. He’s wearing tight-fitted sheer black costume with red flowers on his lean, muscular body and he looks absolutely stunning. Then the beat speeds up and it seems like it follows Harry's moves. His motions are grateful, effortless almost and Louis is hypnotized within five seconds. He's never seen anyone dance like that before, almost like the gravity disappeared for him. He brandishes in the air, putting his whole body and soul into his performance.

The song changes for even more rhythmic one and it has Louis shocked; he always thought of ballet as a slow dance to classical music, yet here he is watching Harry's feline moves to 'Take me to church' and is completely amazed. His moves are precise, flawlessly aiming at every faster beat.

After one more song, Harry gracefully bows and sends kisses towards the audience who is quick to stand up and clap loudly, Louis not being exception. Cassie and Franky jump up and down with excitement, poor roses barely surviving it. When the lights are fully back on, Harry starts to walk out from the stage. As he passes their row, girls quietly count to three and throw their roses just in front of him.

Louis can see Harry parting his lips slightly and breaking into astonished smile. He rushes to pick the flowers up and turns around to find who threw them. Instantly he spots Franky and Cassie, and his smile grows wider and fonder as he comes up to them, putting his hands on short railings.

"Hello," he says, bending a little to be closer. “Thank you for the flowers.”

Louis needs to blink twice, because God, this man looks impossibly even more beautiful up close than on stage from afar. His hair curls at the ends, few strands stick to his forehead and neck, his cheeks have little dimples and his eyes capture Louis with their intense green depth.

Girls look at him with awe, Franky being the one to speak up first.

"Your welcome, you dance really pretty," she says in one breath, making Harry full on grin and Louis needs to cling onto his chair not to fall.

"Yeah! You looked like you fly," adds Cassie, all breathless and blushed. Louis would tease them a little later about it, but he’s pretty sure he looks the same.

Harry giggles a little. "What was your favorite part?"

Louis listens to his girl’s answers with one ear, his eyes still focused on Harry as he tries to find any imperfections that would push him away. Christ, he has two twin daughters and a guinea pig to take care of 24/7, he’s not exactly the perfect date material. Date? He quickly makes his thought train halt. He doesn’t even know if Harry would be into dating men, or even dating at all. He frowns a little at himself.

“And yours?” He hears Harry ask and he shakes off his thoughts.

Louis smiles apologetically, forcing himself not to blush. He clears his throat as he sees Harry smirking a little, knowing that he got carried away with his thoughts.

  
“All of it,” he says, not because he can’t think quick enough to find it, but because it’s true. He absolutely loved Harry’s performance.

Harry must hear the earnestness in Louis’ voice because he ducks his head for a second and tips of his ears go a little reddish. When he looks up at Louis again, their eyes meet.

  
“Well, I’m glad you liked it,” he replies, same sincerity heard in his voice. “Will you see me also in Hamlet next week? It’s the only performance and all the best Europe’s dancers will be there too.” he says, gaze switching between Louis and girls.

Franky and Cassie squeal with excitement and cling onto Louis’ leg, looking up at him with their best kicked puppy faces. Harry also looks at him with something shining hopefully in his eyes.

And he almost says ‘yes’ without second thought, but then he remembers that he needs to set some boundaries and girls can’t know just yet that he would do anything to make them happy. He wouldn’t mind seeing Harry again, but he can’t put himself first anymore.

“I’m afraid not,” he answers, frowning a little and hears girls howl. “See, these tickets were their birthday presents and the next ones they can only get next year,” he explains, trying to be responsible dad. It’s tough love or something.

Harry wrinkles his nose, looking like a little kitten and Louis honestly feels attacked. Thankfully he breaks into a smile seconds later before Louis can give in.  
“Then these ones will be presents from me,” he states matter-of-factly and smiles proudly.

Louis shakes his head quickly, ignoring his daughters’ happy agreements.

“I can’t let you do this,” he sighs. “You can’t just give out tickets to strangers.”

Harry laughs. “Are you my manager? I’m pretty sure I can do with my tickets what I want.”

Louis would argue, but he knows he lost already so he just sighs and nods.

Harry and girls giggle happily and high five each other. Louis certainly shouldn’t be so weak but he can’t help it.

“Now I just need to know your names, cuties, and your brother’s,” Harry says and girls laugh loudly at him. He looks confused for a second, before Louis rushes to explain.

  
“I’m actually their dad.”

This is the moment when the potential date material gets lost for words, fakes a smile and rushes out some lame excuse to leave Louis and his mess alone. He doesn’t expect Harry to react any differently so it’s a pleasant surprise when he just apologizes for his mistake with a smile and takes their names, spoiling them a little bit about his performance and making girls all red with excitement. After a while he says he needs to go, much to Franky and Cassie and Louis disappointment. Girls give him goodbye hugs and Louis wishes he could too but just settles for a grin and a hand wave. Harry goes backstage with one last look in their direction and a gentle smile.

  
Suddenly Louis is very happy with his daughters’ new obsession.

************

Exactly six days later Louis finds himself sitting in Royal National Theater with Franky and Cassie on seats next to his. They made him dress them up in their nicest dresses and then nagged him to call Perrie to come and braid their hair, and obviously Louis is too weak not to give in. They even made him put on his black suit and shave his face. Louis wouldn't admit it out loud but he would have done all of those things without their pressure. But it's nice to know they like Harry so much, because it means Louis now is allowed to like him too.

Their seats, undoubtedly thanks to Harry, are in the VIP section with a perfect view for the whole stage, which is now hid behind a massive curtain. People around them are talking quietly but Louis still can hear the excited tone in their voices. He feels a little bit out of place, but that quickly goes away as the lights go off and his girls gasp mesmerised. He shifts to sit more comfortably and focuses on watching the performance.

He can’t help that his attention is fully captured by Harry only. Despite trying to appreciate other dancers, he can only see Harry’s graceful moves and everything else just fades away. He realizes it’s dangerous and he needs to get his shit together because he’s not a teenager, and having a crush isn’t so innocent and playful anymore. He takes a deep breath and watches the rest of the performance unfocused so when it finally ends, he’s caught by surprise.

Cassie and Franky clap loudly, clearly trying their hardest to stop themselves from jumping up and down as Louis told them it’s not very appropriate to do so in a place like this. Louis joins the audience and stands up, clapping as well. He didn’t really needed to watch to know it was wonderful. The performers stand together and bow gracefully, looking unfazed by the applause. While the audience is still cheering, they leave the stage and the lights go back on.

“You liked it, girls?” he asks, leading Franky and Cassie to where he supposes is the exit as everyone else from their section goes there as well.

  
“So much!” they reply simultaneously, both looking very happy.

Louis smiles in the answer and ruffles their hair affectionately.

Too late does he realize where they actually are. His supposed exit was only an entrance to backstage area. He wants to turn them around and ask some nice bodyguard where the real exit is when the girls let go of his hands and run towards somebody with happy smiles on their faces. He opens his mouth to scold them but stops in his tracks when he spots who they are running to.

Harry looks absolutely stunning. His hair messy and unruly, and his smile too big for his face as he notices Franky and Cassie. He bends down to take them in his arms and hug them tightly. Louis approaches the three of them slowly, not wanting to interrupt. He tries not to remember this picture as he already knows it will hunt him in the future. All of his rationality goes south when Harry looks up at him with that over the moon happy look in his eyes and endearing smile. Louis never said he was strong when it comes to cute boys holding his cute daughters.

"Hi Louis," Harry greets him as he slowly untangles himself from Cassie and Franky and sends them apologetic smile.

Louis needs to clear his throat before he can answer with a weak 'hi'.

Harry purses his lips, clearly amused by something.

"What did you think about the play?" he asks and for some reason he looks like he's only interested in Louis' answer.

Louis looks down and then up again only to meet Harry's bright, curious eyes. He can't help but smile smugly.

As he's about to answer, Franky speaks up first, reminding them both that they are not alone.

"I loved it! You were so beautiful, Harry!" she says, so full of excitement she barely can stand straight. Cassie looks a little bit more composed but Louis knows she's just as much of a mess on the inside.

Harry grins and blushes slightly. He glances at Louis as he licks his lips. He bows down a little to be closer to the girls.

"Do you want to meet other actors? I promise they're very nice and they love to hear complements especially from cute girls like you two," Harry says sweetly and Louis has to bite his lower lip to stop from laughing. God bless his lovely naive daughters who take Harry's suggestion seriously, both seemingly too weak not to give in to Harry's charm either. Franky takes Cassie's hand and together they hesitantly walk up to actress who played Ofelia. Louis only watches them both go furiously red as they try to form sensible sentence to complement ballerina's performance and awesome hairstyle, before he feels a light jab to his ribs. He turns around to very smug looking Harry.

"That was very subtle," he points out with a smirk.

Harry chuckles, his hand combs through his hair.

"And very easy," Harry adds, looking innocently.

Louis rolls his eyes. "And what for?" he asks, raising his eyebrow.

Harry laughs loudly at that and shakes his head like Louis is being obvious.

"I just wanted to have a little chat just with you," he explains slowly like he's making sure Louis understands. But he obviously doesn't.

"About your performance?" Louis scratches his neck, pursing his lips thoughtfully. "It was truly marvelous. Never in my life have I read Hamlet but if I did, I probably would have been even more impressed. I mean ballet version, that's just wonderful." When he finally finishes, he notices Harry looking at him with a small smile and gentle eyes, but his expression quickly changes when he catches Louis' eyes.

"I'm glad you liked it," he says in a tone like he's mocking Louis which makes Louis frown. "But that's not exactly what I had in mind when I said 'a little chat just with you'." He puts special emphasis on the word “just” and winks.

Louis stares at him for a second before his brain can catch up. When he realizes, he bursts into laughter.

Harry looks confused and about to apologize, so Louis quickly stops him.

"How did you even know I would be into you?"

Harry’s shoulders relax, relief washing over him. He's quick to look confident again.

"There's barely anyone who's not into me," he says and shrugs with a smirk.

Louis laughs, "Well, do you say yes to all of them?"

Harry looks at Louis curiously, like he's trying to figure him out, but soon gives up.

"It depends who's asking for what," he says like he's giving Louis a challenge.

Louis chuckles and moves closer to Harry. He doesn't have anything left to lose and it's not often he feels so bold so he needs to use it to his own advantage.

"Would you say yes, if I asked you out on a date?"

Harry seems taken back as it wasn't what he was expecting. He thinks about the answer a beat too long for it not being suspicious to Louis. He sighs and waves his hand.

"Guess that means no," Louis says with a polite smile that doesn't reach his eyes and looks around to find his daughters who now talk with a man dressed as a ghost. "See you around. And thanks again for the tickets." He sends one last, crooked smile and starts walking away. But a strong grip on his wrist stops him in place.

"It's… just my schedule is pretty busy but I would love to go on a date with you," he whispers for some unknown to Louis reason. "When?"

Louis slowly turns around and doesn't let himself show how happy Harry's answer made him.

"Whenever you have a free evening. How about Thursday?" he suggest, eyes following Harry's hand which is letting go of Louis'.

Harry thinks about it for a minute before he smiles and nods. "Thursday's great." He hesitantly takes the phone Louis offers him and then quickly types his number in.  
"Alright," Louis smiles back. "I better go find my cuties before they talk everybody’s ears off."

Harry chuckles in the answer and nods. Just as Louis' about to turn away, Harry surprises him with a light kiss on his cheek. "See you, Louis," he whispers right after and then disappears among other people. Louis licks his lips and shakes his head, he's not sure how the hell he just got himself a date with the most handsome male ballerina but he did and he's already feeling butterflies in his stomach despite still having six days to go before their date. He needs to find some distraction.

He finds two when he approaches his daughters and they don't even want to hear about going home, because they're having too much fun. Louis sighs and gives up, knowing it's way past their bedtime and if he's lucky, they will be tired soon enough, and then will not protest when Louis'll just pick them up and carry them to the cab and then their beds.

**************

“You look just perfect, Lewis,” Perrie rolls her eyes as she notices Louis fixing his hair for a third time in the last fifteen minutes. “Special guy, huh?” she asks nonchalantly, but Louis knows she’s a sneaky little evil and will use anything he says against him at some point in the future.

“You could say that,” he smiles a little despite himself. He does a last touch up to his quiff and then turns to look at Perrie with his eyebrow raised. “The real question here is, where is your special guy, Pezza?”

He bows down just in time a pillow hits a wall behind him. He chuckles smugly before the realization of his quiff being possibly ruined hits him and rapidly turns back to the mirror. Now it’s Perrie’s turn to laugh at him.

“If you’re spending anymore time in front of that mirror, it’s going to be your date,” she mumbles, sighing.

Louis frowns and checks the time on his phone. “Shit! You could’ve told me it’s already half past seven,” he huffs, quickly putting on his jacket and using some of his best cologne. “You’re the worst, you know?”

Perrie tries to look really offended by that. “How many other babysitters do you have to be so rude to the best one?” She smiles smugly and theatrically poses like a peacock.

Louis rolls his eyes and throws that same pillow back at her. He glances in the mirror one last time before he walks out from his bedroom into the living room where Franky and Cassie are watching Tangled for a millionth time this week.

“Be good to aunt Pezza, will you?” he asks them as he gives a quick kiss to their foreheads.

They just nod in agreement, wriggling on the sofa to see the screen past him. He sighs and moves.

“They’re always good to me,” Perrie says matter-of-factly with a smile. She walks him to the door and her smile turns from innocent to evil in seconds. “Be good too and don’t forget about protection!” she sings songs as she closes the door behind him.

He shakes his head, pursing his lips. He does a quick check to make sure he has his phone and wallet. After that he quickly goes down the stairs, hoping he won’t be late. Fortunately, Harry picked a restaurant that is close enough so it shouldn’t take Louis longer than twenty minutes to get there by his car.

He feels butterflies as he gets closer to the restaurant. It’s not only the fact that his date is amazingly handsome and nice and talented, it’s also that he hasn’t been on a date with someone he actually wants to be on a date with since twins were born, and that was four years ago. The pity dates his friends blindly send him on or the ones he gets online don’t really count as they never really excite him nor make him happy to go on them. It’s different with Harry because he wants to get to know him and if this one goes as well as Louis hopes, he wants a second, and a third, and a forth one. So yeah, his date with Harry is quite exceptional and that’s why he’s a little bit nervous.

After he finds a free parking spot, he checks himself for the real last time in the rear-view mirror and gets out of the car. The restaurant looks exactly as posh as he’d expected but thanks to warm lights and white flowers decorating the terrace it still seems somewhat homey. It’s very Harry’s.

He asks the waiter if he could switch his reserved table for two inside for the one outside and with a little tipping help he agrees, and leads Louis to the booth at the end of the terrace. Louis thanks him and orders himself and Harry white wine.

He sits more comfortable as he looks around. He does that at exactly the same time as Harry steps up the stairs to the terrace. Louis can’t help his eyes wandering on Harry’s body and posture as the latter looks absolutely stunning. He’s wearing skin-tight black jeans and halfway unbuttoned silky shirt that nicely complements his abs underneath. He doesn’t really look that different than from when he performed, his clothes still comfortable yet trendy and fancy. If it wasn’t for the way his feet kept getting into each other’s way and his balance clearly lost, Louis would think that he is minutes away from another show.

He still watches as Harry approaches the waiter and asks him undoubtedly where his date is, he bites his lower lip and runs a hand through his curly hair, green eyes searching for a familiar face. And Louis gets to see the precise moment Harry’s eyes land on him. He instantly lets go of his lip and shakes his head, mumbling an excuse to the waiter. As he comes closer to Louis a pleased smile plays on his lips, his dimple shows and his eyes sparkle.

A smile of his own tugs at Louis’ lips so he lets go of Harry’s gaze and stands up to greet him. He wants to make a witty remark on how the British best male ballerina eats dinner with him but it only makes him more intimidated.

Instead he just settles on simple ‘hello’.

Harry’s smile grows bigger just like he knows what Louis’ thinking, like he’s seen it so many times that it’s normal yet still a bit confusing.

“Thought we’re gonna sit inside?” Harry more asks than says as he plops down opposite to Louis. He tries to cover up his disgraceful movements by instantly reaching out for the glass of wine already on the table for him. Louis still can see the blush creeping up his ears and neck.

Louis can’t help but reply with sly smile. “We were but I found it so much nicer here, don’t you?” Louis shrugs.

Harry takes a minute to look around like it’s the first time he’s actually here, even though he was the one who picked this place and then smiles sheepishly, ducking down his head.  
“Yeah, I do,” he mumbles and takes another sip of his wine. He looks inscrutable, eyes searching around for some kind of distraction from Louis.

“Uhm, so how are you feeling now that you finished your big tour around Europe?” Louis decides on changing the subject and by the way Harry immediately beams he knows it was a right move.

From now on the conversation between the two of them flows flawlessly. Harry cheerfully replies to all of Louis’ questions, talking about his passion with coy expression. His voice is slow and seductive but there are few moments that he lets his guard down caught by an abstruse one and can’t help but have to think about the answer, brows furrowing and serious look in his eyes. Those moments are Louis’ favourite because they feel true, not staged. Not that Harry’s talk about dance doesn’t feel true, because it’s clear to Louis that ballet is his biggest passion in life, it’s just in the way he chooses his words, quick and accurate, like he’s told the same thing over and over again.

Harry soon demands a long insight in Franky’s and Cassie’s life and Louis is more than happy to tell him about his two biggest passions. He tells Harry about an incident from few days ago when he accidentally fell asleep on the couch and his two little devils decided that it would be a good idea to use some of Perrie’s leftover makeup on him.

“I had to wash my face four times that night,” he sighs, fond smile visible on his face. “Later they said they did it to make me prettier,” he adds, rolling his eyes.

Harry giggles loudly and Louis’ fond smile only grows.

“Well I for one think you don’t need any makeup for that,” Harry assures Louis, looking at him through his eyelashes. He tries to be subtle as he moves his chair closer to the table and leans closer to Louis over it. Louis wants to laugh at his attempts but then it hits him that Harry attempts to be near Louis and.

“Wait, is this your way of flirting?” he asks dumbfoundedly, blinking at Harry who looks a bit a taken aback.

“Um, yes?” he babbles, unsure of what kind of answer Louis would like to hear. “You noticed just now?”

Louis frowns. “Yes?”

Harry lets out an embarrassed noise and hides his face in his hands.

“I’ve been doing it for last hour,” he mumbles, glancing at Louis through the space between his fingers.

Louis frowns, looking down as he expects to get a clear flashback of their talk on the used napkin. Sure, there were times when Harry said something suggestive or bit on his lips a bit too much but it was shadowed by his words and beauty and Louis already found it hard to be able to focus on these two things at once.

“Oh shit, right, you were flirting with me,” Louis admits, letting out an embarrassed laugh of self-pity. He’s an idiot. “In my defense, I don’t date much.” Great. Now he’s a pathetic idiot.

Harry raises a brow, falling back onto his chair.

“I find it hard to believe.”

“Single parent and dating don’t really go together,” Louis shrugs.

Harry nods after a beat, having thought Louis’ words through. The smile he gives Louis next is a bit unexpected.

“Happy to change that.”

Louis should laugh at his cheesy statement and cheesier wink at the end but finds himself weirdly endeared and now can only stop the blush from creeping on his cheeks.

Harry doesn’t seem like a type of person that would be interested in Louis. He’s a famous ballet dancer with wonderful eyes and body and somehow he’s sitting right here with a father of two young girls, looking glad to be doing so.

But Louis shakes the thoughts off and decides to have the most of the evening and not let himself be bothered by any doubts anymore.

************

The next date is not unexpected but still surprising. When Louis ended their first one like a gentleman after walking with Harry to his apartment with a soft peck on the lips, Harry had none of that and turned softness into roughness and slowness into rush, and soon enough Louis had to basically tear himself off from the other man who didn’t look pleased in the slightest. Thankfully Harry’s frown disappeared after Louis promised him they will see each other again.

The again happened whole three days later. They texted each other almost constantly whenever they both had time and with extra help from misbehaved Franky and Cassie those days went in a blink of an eye for Louis. Harry’s messages are full of puns and random pictures and Louis sappily thinks it nicely complements his own, full of emojis and actually funny jokes. Topics of conversations come naturally one after another and soon enough Louis doesn’t even notice when Harry asks him out and he agrees. Smooth.

They go to an outdoor cinema screening to see The Notebook. Normally Louis would moan about how girly and cheesy it is but seeing how excited Harry seems to be he reasons he can bear it for two plus hours. It’s of course worth it. Harry mumbles the lines all the time and Louis is so fucked already that he secretly googles the most iconic lines and plays Noah to Harry’s Allie. Harry gives him the brightest smiles in return and moves even closer to him. After he gets Louis ice cream and whispers soft invitation to his place which Louis declines as politely as he can and just kisses him goodnight, hating himself a little bit for trying to be such a gentleman.

Nevertheless he can't shake off the grin from his face. This date was a total success. Harry is slowly letting his guard down, words coming out from his mouth not rushed and tangled but true. Louis feels like he's on a really good path to get to know really Harry and God it's all he wants. 

***********

Louis tries extra hard for their third date, not that he didn't before but now he feels even more nervous - it's all Perrie’s fault and her Cosmopolitan that says that third date is the date when you know if you want a relationship or just a mingle from the other person. He already knows what he wants but he's in blue when it comes to what Harry wants. He’s still overly flirty and confident yet remains calm while Louis on the contrary falls apart as they kiss.

A week after their second date Harry finally has time and permission from his coach to go out. He still has to end his daily workout and practice though and so he's free just around nine pm. To make the most of the night Louis first takes him to his favorite Chinese restaurant and then they stroll through almost empty London streets for an hour, talking about their childhoods, dreams and families, until Louis spots still open karaoke bar and drags Harry inside, insisting that it will be fun.

Harry’s skepticism goes away just after one beer and two fruity drinks and he signs him and Louis to perform How To Save A Life, mumbling something along the lines that it will made up for them not meeting while being on the same concert in Manchester six years ago. And who is Louis to tell him no?

“Ready?” Harry asks him with starry eyes and glossy lips and Louis can only nod, holding the mic like his life depends on it.

Harry sings the first verse in his deep, beautiful voice, making Louis gape at him with awe and forget that he’s supposed to sing when the second verse rolls around. He tightens his grip on the mic and drops his head, trying to solely concentrate on singing correct lyrics rather than on the way Harry’s eyes eat him up.

He only loosens up as Harry joins him to sing the chorus and the perfect synchronization of their voices together hits him like a bus. They sing at the top of their voices, eyes locked on each other more often than not. Harry starts swaying and turning around gracefully, not losing the beat and Louis grins and lets him steal the show. He kind of wishes he could be another nameless face in the crowd before them just so he could see Harry better and absorb him properly.

By the time the song ends, Harry’s cheeks are pink and smile blinding and overwhelming. As the crowd begins to applause, he reaches for Louis and brings him into tight embrace. And Louis falls into his arms without any safeguard, finding applause a great coverage for his pounding heart.

Harry moves away too soon but keeps an arm around Louis’ shoulders and makes them bow to the crowd. Louis rolls his eyes and does as he’s asked. The crowd makes his blood float faster and suddenly very aware about his every move. Harry on the other hand is in his element, looking through the crowd collected and calm, smirk playing at his lips.

As they turn to leave the small stage, hip by hip, Harry’s scent tickling Louis’ nose, excitement still thick in the air, Harry whispers sweetly, “Take me home, Lou.”

And Louis does. 

********

Blood rushes through his veins, warming up his body unbearably and causing him to kick the covers off. The lightness pricks his eyes, making him bury his face into the pillow. The movement next to him and sudden coldness on his left side urges him to lazily open his one eye up. The sheets are still warm and scented.

"Come back," he mumbles barely audible but he knows by how Harry's back tenses and his arms stop for a second in his hair that he's heard him.

Louis sighs dreamily, hot and pleasant memories from last night coming back to his mind. He can still feel Harry's nails on his back and burning kisses on his neck. It seems so surreal to Louis now that if it wasn't for this beautiful man in his bed and red marks on his milky white body like blood on a daisy, he would think he dreamed all of it. He reaches out to put his hand on the small of Harry's back, wanting to maybe make him repeat last night's madness or maybe just to puzzle him into Louis' arms and life for a little bit longer.

"Can't," Harry breathes and stands up to put on his black briefs. "Got a practice."

Louis doesn't really catch what he's saying, too focused on the deepness and roughness of his voice. "Please?"

Harry just shakes his head, corners of his lips turning down and little wrinkles appear on his forehead before he turns away to squeeze into his jeans. He then looks around the room in search of his sheer shirt. Louis sighs and sits on the bed, wrapping arms around his knees, and just follows Harry with his eyes.

"Want me to make breakfast? Cross my heart and hope to die my pancakes are extraordinarily delicious," he takes a moment to think before he adds, "At least when I don't burn them."

"Got a gym session," Harry says, not bothering to look in his direction, not even cracking a smile, already someplace else.

"What are you doing on Monday evening then?"

"Louis," Harry sighs and slowly pick his shirt up from where it was thrown on the desk the night before. He keeps his gaze locked on his bare foot. "I'm just not in the right place now. I have international ballet championship in less than a year to worry about and I just don't have the time for a relationship."

Louis lets Harry's words sink in while the latter puts on his socks and shoes. He knows that Harry isn't like any other twenty years old with his career so high up on his list of priorities but was he a fool to think that maybe on his second place may be a significant other? After last night and even before that Harry seemed to become an open book to Louis, he had no problem with sharing his passions, fears and lame jokes, and that made Louis seek more of him, and he thought Harry felt the same way.

"I get it," he says eventually when the air gets unbearably heavy and choking. "You should get going. Girls are going to come home soon," he adds that last part as he gets up from the bed, leaving sheets a mess.

He walks past Harry, careful not to brush his shoulder by accident. He feels Harry's eyes on his back but he can't really tell what they are searching for.

"Maybe we could be friends?" Harry offers and Louis' not sure if he did it because he felt bad for Louis or because it is a right thing to say, neither seems acceptable to Louis.

"Maybe," he just settles on as he walks into the bathroom.

He splashes cold water on his face and dares to look at himself in the mirror. He hears Harry move for a few more seconds before his footsteps fade and front doors open and close with soft click.

*************

"You're sucking out my life energy," Perrie moans, smacking Louis lightly in the face to get his attention. She raises her brow, wanting him to explain himself but when Louis turns his gaze back to Rapunzel singing on the screen, she sighs and leans closer to him on the couch.

It's been a week since his last date with Harry and he hasn’t been socially active very much, more often than not opting for a quiet (or as quiet as it can get with two kids) night in with a sappy movie. But the loneliness hit him this morning and he must have accidentally added something stronger to his coffee to come up with an idea to call Perrie and invite her over for lunch and a movie. Since she's right now just as single as he is, he knew she would have time and unfortunately he was right.

"Why daddy sucks out your energy, auntie?" Cassie asks, not taking her eyes off the TV. She's sitting on the fluffy purple carpet and eating cookies Perrie brought them, careful not to drop any crunches. Franky on the other hand is sprawled on Perrie's and Louis' legs, taking every other cookie from her sister, looking like sixty-year-old who's seen it all and now nothing can surprise her.

"Because he's unhappy and that makes me unhappy, the more I look at him, the more I want to bury myself in the blanket and sob," she elaborates, looking at Louis seriously like she's trying to talk some sense into misbehaving child.

Cassie just nods, dropping the subject because her favorite part just comes on. Franky buries her face in his thigh which is her lazy way of hugging him. He still appreciates the gesture and pets her hair.

"Don't be so dramatic, Pezza," Louis mumbles and rolls his eyes. He can admit that the last few days he wasn't exactly at his best but he for sure wasn't as pathetic as his friend described him as.

"You're being dramatic, hun," she says in a quiet voice so the girls won't hear. "It happens, you know? Not everyone has time for dating and yeah, it sucks, but the only thing you can do is accept it." Louis snorts, interrupting her. "But if he really is as wonderful as you described him maybe you could give being friends a shot and wait patiently for a moment when he's available."

Louis opens his mouth to contradict but closes it right after. Perrie may make a sensible point. He does think Harry is wonderful and they really connected and it would be a shame to lose it. Maybe being Harry's friend will be enough.

"For such a smart person it’s a wonder why you're still alone," he teases with a gentle smile so Perrie will know he's just joking.

She probably knows but still hits his head with a pillow. The girls quickly catch on and all three girls are on Louis with their pillows, and honestly he couldn't be happier.

*****

Louis takes a deep breath and pushes the door open. The room is huge, on one side the whole wall is mirrored and on the other are ramps, in the corner is a black piano, in the middle Harry and some man who Louis thinks must be his coach. The man is as tall as Harry and only few years older, his eyes scolding younger man and lips turned into unimpressed frown. He somehow still manages to look indimidating despite his bright yellow floral shitr and joga pants. Only when the doors close after Louis with a deaf crackle, they both turn their heads into his direction.

"Louis?" Harry asks, dumbfounded, his lips part and wrinkles of wonder appear on his forehead, but still a shade of a lopsided smile plays on his mouth - it stops Louis from running away.

  
"Um, hi, I thought you'd be finished by now," Louis offers weakly, shrugging.

"Yeah, we still need to work on some things so," Harry mumbles and walks up to Louis, leaving his coach to watch them curiously but only for a second before he moves away in other direction, trying to give them some privacy. "What are you doing here?"

Louis fish-mouths for a while before he settles on the truth. "I thought about us, you, a lot and if you still want to, I'd love to be your friend."

It takes Harry a second to comprehend Louis' words and then a smile breaks onto his face. It smooths out tiredness and confusion and reminds Louis just how beautiful Harry can be.

  
"I want to," he says, licking his lips. He glances at the clock on the wall and the uncertainty washes onto his features. "We should be finished in fifteen minutes, can you wait? We can grab lunch or coffee?"

  
Louis lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding and nods with a small smile. He moves to sit, back pressed against the wall, not wanting to take up too much space and watches Harry.

  
Harry's coach plays an upbeat song from his iPhone and counts to three. On cue Harry runs up and jumps high in the air, turning around as he does it, then after he lands he breaks into a few sequential bounds, each landing dainty and fluent. The music seems to follow him, not the other way around. He perfectly keeps his posture straight, his smile polite and his eyes focused. His body knows exactly what it’s doing, flawlessly executing pirouettes and rotations, feet never losing their balance.

  
Harry goes through his routine four times, each time Louis finds himself feeling hotter and hotter. Harry's body looks amazing in tight-fitted black leggings and t-shirt, with every move his muscles tense and stretch and sheer fabric lets Louis see them work. He's so glad he didn't bring his girls along.

  
*****

  
"I can tell I won't regret being friends with you," Harry moans into Louis' ear.

  
"Glad to hear," Louis mumbles and thrusts into Harry, pushing him more onto the wall. The small compartment in locker rooms is unbearably hot and muggy but warmness of Harry's back against Louis' chest is too pleasant to move away. Soft whimpers escape Harry's lips and Louis lightly bites his shoulder to shush him.

  
He's not exactly sure what happened that they ended up in here, kissing and undressing like there's no tomorrow but he's so happy that it did. If he thought that night after their third date was amazing, then this is mind-blowing. Harry's body fits itself to Louis' and moves like it’s still dancing, gracefully and fluid, rocking to the rhythm that Louis' dictates. He's so pliant against Louis like he's been waiting all day to get Louis inside him.

  
"Louis," Harry gasps, both urgent and pleading. He leans more on the wall, his hands trying to grasp anything to keep him in place, sticking out his butt obscenely. He's craving Louis so badly.

  
Louis wants to laugh about how badly Harry wants it but the sound dies in his throat as he feels his whole body burn with the same need. So he grants his wish, thrusting into him faster and rougher and messier, just trying to satisfy them both. The whimpers that escape Harry's lips are echoing in the room, driving Louis insane, he has to grasp his hips tighter to shush him but it only makes him louder. Feeling like he can't take it anymore, he just loses control completely, kisses on Harry's neck turning into bites and love bites into scars.

  
"Oh fuck!" Harry cries out, voice barely above whisper but it rings in Louis' ears long after it's said.

  
Harry clenches around him and along with his hand in Louis' hair it brings Louis over the edge, and he comes inside him hard with a gasp. Harry chuckles lightly and takes his hand away but Louis isn't ready yet to move away. He leans his head on Harry's shoulder blade and lets himself catch a breath. Harry then grows more uncomfortable and impatient and urges Louis to move which he does with a quiet sigh. Harry turns to face Louis, his cheeks and lips beautifully red, his eyes hazy and lustful. But Louis only gets to see that side for a few seconds before Harry shakes it easily off and puts up his briefs and jeans.

Then he looks at Louis with a playful smile. "Will you make a habit out of it?"

Louis chuckles lightly as he fixes his hair, running through it with his hand.

"Would you want me to?" he asks, smile on his face but a pinch of seriousness visible in his eyes. Harry must see it as he just shrugs in the answer and looks away, scratching his back of his head.

Louis rolls his eyes and turns around to leave the compartment which has gotten awfully hot. He gives Harry a second to say something but he stays quiet, suddenly finding rim of his shirt very fascinating.

"How would you like two little girls accompany us during lunch?" he wonders, not noticing that he's biting his lips a little.

"I would love that," Harry says and actually beams. He passes Louis by, opening the door to leave the room. "But only if we take them out for ice cream after." He turns his head to flash Louis a bright smile.

"Deal," Louis laughs. "They've been asking me when will I take them to see you dance again," he adds, watching Harry from the corner of his eye.

Harry smiles doltishly to no one and lightly shakes his head. He slips his hands into his jeans pockets, peering at his feet as he tries to keep up with Louis' tempo.

"Hate to let them down but for now I don't perform anywhere, but you are more than welcome to take them to see my practice," he mumbles under his breath but then glances to Louis to confirm if he heard it anyway.

Louis just nods and smiles but instantly decides against it as it would be horrible idea, seeing what happened today. He's not such a bad parent.

Their walk to girls' kindergarten is filled with Harry talking about his practice, how he still has so much work to do before the championship and Louis listens, not even slightly bored. There's something enchanting in Harry's slow voice when he's talking about something that he cares so deeply about that Louis could listen to him all day. He can't help but wonder if there's anything else that makes him sound like that.

They get there sooner than Louis would like but he can’t be completely sad as he's about to see his two biggest loves of his life. Harry stays behind him as they enter the building but keeps close enough that Louis can feel the excitement radiating off him. Louis can't help but smile a little, even if it makes him feel foolish.

The girls spot him instantly and run to him, big smiles on their faces. He crouches down to hug them as they fall into his arms.

"Had a lovely day?" he asks and kisses them on their foreheads.

Cassie just nods, smiling sweetly and Franky exclaims loudly. "Yes!"

"I brought a guest with me, cuties," he says, leaning to the right to show Harry hiding behind him, who waves weakly and smiles brightly.

"Harry!" Franky rushes past Louis to get to Harry and looks up at him with pure adoration.

"Hi!" he giggles, swaying his body from side to side rather awkwardly and flashes a smile to both girls, making them fall in love with him even more. Cassie at least has enough shame to hide her blushed face in Louis' shoulder while Franky just bubbles out giggles.

"Will we let Harry join our lunch today?" Louis questions, standing up and holding Cassie's hand.

Girls smile as mysteriously as they can and glance at each other knowingly. Louis already knows the answer as they all been wrapped around Harry's little finger since they first met him but it’s nice to know that his girls got his tendency to tease.

"I promise to buy ice cream after!" Harry exclaims with laughter.

Franky and Cassie finally nod a few times, and Franky grabs his hand, hers small one looking awfully sweet in his massive. Louis' heart can barely contain it but he honestly doesn't mind the swelling as long as he gets to see this.

  
************

  
*H*

  
Harry storms into his apartment, throwing his bag somewhere on the floor in the living room, not really caring. He runs his hand through his hair, still a bit sweaty as he didn't get to take a shower at the Ballet Academy. He was feeling poorly this whole past week but today it's gotten so bad that he almost fainted from pain and nausea during his choreography, and since that's never happened before, Nick, his coach, sent him home, not wanting to hear any excuses.

He kicks his kitchen chair, noise echoing in the room and his ears minutes after. He should be practicing now every day with championships only four months away and with his physical condition somehow getting worse. His bones are stiff and heavy and some days he finds himself not wanting to leave his bed. Also he runs out of breath a lot faster than before and his head feels like it's going to explode after too many turns. He knows that he's let go of himself a bit but he still kept his diet strict and his exercises were his first priority. Louis sometimes even says that he should be easier on himself.

Louis.

Ever since he met Louis and his two lovely girls almost three months ago now he's been messing up with his regular schedule and maybe that's what got him. Whenever he goes out with them to grab a pizza or ice cream during lunchtime, he doesn't let himself eat anything else except a fruit or a veggie for the rest of the day. Whenever he misses out on his gym session on Sunday or Saturday to go with them to see a movie or to a funfair, he always stays there longer on Friday or Monday. Sometimes when he stays the night and the morning after he doubles the time he would stretch at dawn when he gets home. It all has been a bit exhausting but he brought it upon himself when he let Louis stay in his life.

He can't say he regrets it as Louis is awesome with his great sense of humor and his witty remarks, and his kindness, and his crazy ideas. And of course with Franky and Cassie - sometimes when he gets to watch Louis put them to sleep, he finds his thoughts wander to the distant future when it will be him and his own kids, and his heart kind of starts longing for that. Thankfully it shuts up afterwards when Louis' got him pinned to his bed and makes his whole body burn with need.

Unusually big wave of nausea stops his thoughts and urges him to run to the bathroom to empty his stomach.

After he's done, he washes his mouth and glances at his reflection in the mirror. Question creeps up in his mind and burns its way out on his tongue but it's too ridiculous, and so he swallows it down. He goes to lie down like Nick told him to do and the question comes back, this time louder and clearer. He can only fight the doubts off for so long before he gets up and goes to the bathroom to open small cabinet under the sink. He runs through half-empty packets of painkillers and cold medicines to find something he's hoped to never use. He's hands shake and cause him to drop the content of the box. He picks it up instantly like he's afraid the walls will know his shameful secret. He does as the instructions say and then waits for five longest minutes in his life. He tries to distract himself from it by going over his choreography and counting every step he needs to work on during tomorrow's practice. But it's not proving to be very helpful, rather quite the opposite.

Finally the five minutes pass and he dares to see the result. He turns the stick around and stares wide-eyed at small blue plus. All of his blood stops flooding, the world stops turning and his thoughts go blank.

"No, no, no," he mumbles, dropping the stick in order to pull at his hair till it hurts him. "This can't be happening."

In this exact moment text beeps on his phone. When he checks it and it's Louis out of all people, he just loses it and throws the phone as far away from him as he can. The sound of it hitting the bedroom wall and then floor rings in his ears but he couldn't care less right now.

  
****

  
He can hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he jumps two steps at a time when he climbs to Louis' apartment. His lips are pursed in a narrow line and his fists are tightened. All the emotions are buzzing through his veins and bones and just raging to be let out.

  
The cold realization comes a beat too late as he’s already in front of Louis’ doors. He wants to turn around on his heels and run back to his flat but then he hears the click of the doorknob.  
“Harry?” Louis asks, startled but in a happy way.

  
He looks so cuddly with his messy hair, a little stubble, sweats and tired blue, blue eyes that Harry can’t even remember how could he ever be mad at this man.

  
“Hi,” Harry makes an effort to smile genuinely and he’s surprised when he didn’t really have to try, it just comes naturally with Louis.

  
“Hi,” Louis chuckles, tiredness giving up the place for happiness. “What are you doing here? Thought you had a practice?” He leans on the door frame and watches Harry curiously.

  
Harry looks at him as if he tries to read the explanation off Louis’ face but deep down knows for him he wouldn’t have to.

  
“Yeah, change of plans,” Harry offers after he realizes the silence took too long. “Can I, uh, come in?”

  
Louis raises his brow but moves to make room for Harry to pass him by with a smile. They don’t usually drop by each other’s flats to just hang out during the day.

  
“Want some cherry pie?” Louis calls as he goes to the kitchen, leaving Harry to take off his shoes in the hall.

  
He wants to refuse but his stomach growls displeased and he has no other option than to say loudly ‘yes’ so that Louis can hear.

  
He goes to follow him to the kitchen which is actually a big living room with a kitchenette and a tall table at the end. He walks by the couch where the girls are laying at the opposite ends with their color books and crayons. Cassie stops him first and beams.

  
“Uncle Harry!” She calls, startling unusually calm Franky, who jumps to see if it is really him.

  
“Hi, girls,” he says weakly, feeling as if his legs are made from pudding. He puts on a big smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes but the girls don’t seem to notice. He ruffles Franky’s as always tangled hair and squeezes Cassie’s ankle, hoping that will be enough for them now. They let him go and he can breathe again.

  
“Here you go,“ Louis announces as he puts a plate with a big piece.

  
The cherry pie looks weirdly good and edible unlike Louis’ other cooking. Harry glances between the pie and Louis with a raised brow.

  
Louis rolls his eyes and sighs, defeated. “Perrie made it yesterday and she brought us some.”

  
Harry shakes his head with a smile and tastes the pie.

  
“Mmm, you can tell whoever Perrie is that she makes one killer of a pie,” Harry complements, taking another forkful into his mouth.

  
Louis chuckles and sits across from Harry. He puts his head on his hand and watches him eat with wrinkles around his eyes.

  
“Perrie’s my friend,” he explains slowly, lazily. “We met back in high school, she’s a bit crazy and too nosy but I’m honestly lucky to have her. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to do this,“ he waves to him and his girls, ”without her. She’s my lifesaver but if you ever tell her this, I will deny every word and end our friendship.”

  
“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Harry chuckles, glancing up at Louis from his pie. “How did ‘this’ happened?” he asks in a quieter tone, his heart speeding up.

  
Louis scratches his neck, gaze dropping down on the table. He shifts his position as if the more comfortable he’ll be the easier the story will be to tell.

  
“It happened by accident actually,” he starts, smiling to himself with amusement mixed with pity. “I saw Becky around in Uni but we never really talked cause she was a freshman and I was a junior at the time, and that wouldn’t be considered cool, you know?” he asks, not expecting an answer and just glances at Harry for a second. “We properly met during a party, too properly even, and then we didn’t talk until she came to me after two months, crying, and confessed that she’s pregnant.” He sighs, rubbing his face with his hand, trying to find the words. “Of course after a phase of strong denial that I spent drunk off my arse, I stepped up and helped her through the rest of pregnancy, and then we moved in together and girls were born shortly after.”

  
Harry waits for Louis to continue but when he doesn’t, he asks in soft voice: “What happened to Becky?”

  
Louis sighs again, looking the most tired Harry’s ever seen him, like all of his energy’s been pumped out from him.

  
“She got bored, I guess,” he whispers, his voice not breaking but strong as he has to be to live with this knowledge. “The girls were not even six months old, one day she just packed her bags, gave me full custody and left before I even woke up.”

  
“Do you miss her?”

  
Louis’ whole body jerks at that like it's been electrified. He looks at Harry with wide eyes and laughs humorlessly, shaking his head.

  
“No. I want to say I miss her being a mom but the truth is she was an awful one. Too impatient and selfish and careless. She did nothing but watch TV shows all day and never got up when they cried at night. But nevertheless she was there, you know? When she left, I was all alone with two little babies and had no clue what to do whatsoever. That’s when Perrie came into picture,” he finishes and despite everything, he smiles genuinely at the end.

“Do you regret it?” Harry asks, locking his eyes on the table and holding his breath.

“No,“ comes Louis’ answer immediately but the words he says after take him a bit longer to figure out. “But I wouldn’t want to repeat that. Like if I ever have another baby or two, or three even, I want to have them with someone I love.”

Harry nods and just then realizes he’s been biting on an empty fork for a good while so he puts it down, feeling growing hotness on his cheeks. Louis doesn't look at him though with his gaze dropped on the table and his fingers playing with each other nervously. It's like he's worrying he's maybe said too much or something that was too insensitive for Harry to hear, or maybe something he doesn't believe in and now is too proud and insecure to take back.

"Anyway," Louis grunts, shifting on his chair as to shake off the seriousness of the last topic. "Me and my gals were about to go for walk, wanna tag along?"

Harry cracks a smile, feeling as it is now more than welcome and nods without a second thought. He noticed it's really easy not to overthink stuff around Louis and his daughters, it's easy just to be in a moment - kind of the same numbness that he feels when he's dancing.

"Why not?" he laughs and promptly turns his train of thoughts the other way.

He helps get Cassie dressed and can't help but coo quietly at both girls in their matching raincoats and wellies, Franky's in yellow and Cassie's in red. He makes a mental note to buy them respectable umbrellas. The dreamy smile that Louis flashes in his direction as they leave the apartment suggests that he may not have been as confidential as he hoped.

 They go to the nearest park where the girls run around, collecting the prettiest leafs and any feathers they manage to spot. Louis and Harry stroll behind them, from time to time receiving some of their treasures as girls' own pockets are getting too full. The weather is perfect for this kind of afternoon activity, the clouds color the sky white and gray, occasionally letting a small ray of sunshine cast a gold glow, the wind paints lovely blushes on everyone's cheeks and noses. To keep his hands warm Harry snuggles them into the pockets of his jacket. As he does it, from the corner of his eye he notices Louis glancing down and frowning slightly and then pushing his hands into his jeans pockets. The conversation they were having previously where they exchanged stories about their favorite memories about Halloween falls short and stumbles under their feet. So they continue their walk without talking about anything, the atmosphere suddenly thick and unbearable.

Harry finds himself wanting to break the awkward silence but no words come to his mind. He suddenly feels stiff and out of place.

"Think I should go, it's getting colder," he finds himself saying, making Louis turn around to face him, not realizing when he stopped walking.

Louis furrows his eyebrows like Harry said something ridiculously stupid. "We still have to feed the ducks."

"What?" Harry asks because it sounded even more ridiculous.

Louis can look at him deadly serious for about two full seconds before he bursts out laughing and takes Harry by the elbow to drag him to a small pond. Harry shakes his head, not bothering to fight the dopey smile off his face, and just lets Louis lead him wherever he wants. The girls are already waiting there patiently. Louis takes a small bread out of his pocket and brakes it in half to give to each girl.

"Thanks, daddy!" Cassie calls as she walks closer to the pond, Franky following the suit.

Harry watches them concerned but Louis distracts him by putting something soft into his pocket.

"Come on, Haz, it's really fun," Louis claims with a cheeky grin and goes to stand by his daughters.

Harry takes his hand with bread out of his pocket and examines it for a while. He should be practicing his choreography but instead he's about to feed the ducks in a park. Somehow the thought makes him snort with laughter. Flinging up his bread in the air, he walks up to Louis.

"Only you would consider this fun, dad," he teases as he throws the crumbles into the water for the ducks, which eat them gratefully.

Louis smiles brightly, redness of his cheeks and wrinkles round his eyes manifest his beauty so much that Harry has to remind his lungs to release the air they've been holding for a tad too long. Thankfully Louis turns around to face the hungry ducks from awe-struck Harry and everything goes back to normal.

They feed the ducks till they run out of bread and then turn back to go home. Harry ends up joining them despite his words earlier. The atmosphere goes back to normal as well as the whole walk they spend talking about their favorite animals and finding the ones that resemble them best (Harry's of course is a frog). Once back in the apartment Louis makes them all a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows and the girls insist on watching Ratatouille, and so obviously that's what they do. Cassie fights off the sleepiness that's slowly taking over her on Harry's lap, Harry's soft hands playing with her hair not really helping the case but he just can't restrain himself. After the movie ends he carries her to her and Franky's room.

As he puts her under the bright-colored covers a weird feeling of being trapped hits him like a bus. It's reminding him a bit of when he was younger and had asthma attacks, all the air escaping his lungs and nothingness in his throat choking him. Without any word he runs out from the room into the hallway and gradually inhales as much air as he can. He can hear Louis saying goodnight to his girls and Franky's tired pleading to read them a bedtime story to which he instantly subjects. Harry listens to his soft, warm voice and can't help when his eyelashes flutter more and more, his body finally surrenders to overwhelming tiredness. He only notices that Louis stopped when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Let's go sleep," Louis mumbles and Harry can only nod with a small smile.

He lets Louis take him by the hand and lead him to his bedroom. As he falls face down onto the bed, he can't help but smile a little, amused. Ever since their first time together, he hasn't once spent the night here. He obviously knows why Louis always preferred his place and so it's kind of funny how it now went full circle.

"What's so funny, hmm?" Louis asks, chuckling, the mattress lowers with his weight.

Harry lifts his head to rest it on his right cheek, facing Louis, his eyes playful and blurry. He sneaks his hand on Louis’ leg, starting at his knee and going up. Louis purses his lips and rolls his eyes, grabbing Harry's hand in his.

"No funny business tonight, Styles," he commands, squeezing Harry's hand and then sets it free.

"Right, forgot you already had fun with ducks and in your age too much fun is deadly," Harry jokes, keeping his eyes locked on Louis.

"Well it's never fun with you," Louis banters back and sticks out his tongue, successfully making Harry laugh. "Alright, I'm a gentleman so I'll let you shower first."

"That's very considerate of you," Harry chuckles and slowly gets up and goes to shower.

It's one of the quickest showers he's ever had but that's only because he doesn't want to be alone with his thoughts for too long. Even Louis is surprised when he comes out after only five minutes with his skin still damp. But he ignores his raised eyebrow and just snuggles under the covers, kicking Louis' thigh to get him go to the bathroom.

When he's alone again, he hides his face in a pillow which covered with lovely scent of Louis lulls him to sleep in seconds.

****

He wakes up first.

His right leg is tangled with Louis' left one and his hair is all over Louis’ face. The sun shyly tries to sneak in through the blinds and the birds outside sing quietly. It's wonderful, makes him want to bury himself deeper in the covers, snuggle more into Louis' side and catch his escaping dreams.

So he gets up as fast as he can.

The sudden and rough movement startles Louis and causes him to open his eyes to study what happened. The sleepiness is clear in his disoriented eyes when he looks around the room. He finds Harry already in his jeans and t-shirt, going towards the door.

"Do I have a déjà vu?" Louis asks, meaning it in a light, funny way but what comes out is serious and demanding. It makes Harry stop in his tracks.

"I got to, ugh, I got to run," he explains, gesturing his hand towards the door, feeling like a trapped deer or a thief caught in action. "Have to make up for yesterday's lost practice."

Louis narrows his eyes, doubt and question visible as he peers at Harry, who feels like Louis just somehow knows what's underneath Harry's shirt but can't figure out what's going on in his head. He isn't the only one. Then he gives up and lets it go. He shrugs lightly and rubs at his eyes with his fingers, despite the whole night’s sleep, he looks knackered.

"Text me if you'll want to unexpectedly drop by again." With that he turns around and Harry is left staring at his back.

"Sure do," he says, having to grunt to find his voice.

Then he straightens his back and turns on his heels, walking out from Louis' apartment. Maybe for the last time.

**********

Harry throws himself into spiral of endless distractions. Practices, workouts, nameless friends - anything that will keep him busy.

Surprisingly what he's trying to avoid thinking of isn't the thing that grows in his stomach which is still something he has to figure out - it's Louis. It's his deep blue eyes begging to drown in them, it's his warm voice that could convince you to any crime and it's his unbreakable smile, so bright, it reminds you of the sun. But the more he avoids Louis, ignores his texts and calls, the more he finds himself wondering what he's doing, how he's feeling and if he has the same problem like Harry.

His body is not exactly cooperative to say the least. He gets tired after only one round of his choreography, needs to run to the bathroom a few times to let go of his breakfast and migraines are now a daily thing. Yet he doesn't slow down. Nick raises a brow, noticing Harry's determination is so much stronger than before and often he is the one that has to make Harry stop to catch a breath.

"You're gonna overwork yourself, kid," he admonishes, wringing his hands.

Harry halts his pirouette halfway and grins cheekily to his coach. He removes hair from his eyes by running his hand through it.

"Weren't you the one who told me to give 130 percent during every performance?" he asks, grabbing a towel to dry his sweaty face.

Nick rolls his eyes and stops the music from his iPod. He puts his hands on his hips and tilts his head, looking at Harry like he's dumb.

"Well you're giving 150 percent but still not improving your dance. You're not focused and rested enough."

Harry shakes his head, patting his face with the towel. He knows that if he removed it, his eyes would show Nick everything.

"You're walking on thin ice, kiddo," Nick sighs, turning from rigorous coach to a normal friend. "I know you want to win, to secure your position as the best ballet dancer in Europe, but this can't be everything you're aiming at in your life."

"You don't know what I'm aiming at," Harry hisses, throwing towel at the ground. He turns around to get his bag and leave.

"I was just like you, I needed to prove myself, needed to be the best," Nick sighs, nostalgic. "I was the best. Three times in a row." Harry rolls his eyes, Nick never lets him forget how good he was during his prime. "But it took its toll on me. Dance was everything I could think about, it became my duty, not passion. Then after I won all these times I never had anyone to take me out on a celebratory beer or some shit. Winning's great but very lonely."

Harry shakes his head, pursing his lips and yanks at the doors. Nick knows nothing and if he only could swallow a big bullet of pride and defiance, he maybe would be able to tell him so.

Cold, refreshing air hits him when he's outside. The sun is already set low in the sky and its warmth lures Harry to go somewhere, anywhere. He follows the pavement straight ahead until it turns to the entrance into a small park. The trees are already naked, its fallen leafs over green grass as a brownish cover. It's late enough for not many people to be out in here and so Harry feels like he's the only one walking in these alleys.

He gets tired pretty soon though and instead of turning back to his flat he decides to sit down on one of the benches. He takes his phone out his pocket to check the time on a broken screen but instead of numbers he can only see a new text from Louis which he must've sent when Harry was practicing. It's simple and sweet 'Hope your day is great, we miss you' and it gets blurry before he can even finish reading. Somehow it makes all of his held back thoughts come crashing all at once and tangle in each other. The pain they cause in his head transfers to his heart and the tears are falling out from his eyes through his face, and onto his hands and phone. He wants to scream out the frustration that everything is Louis' fault.

His life was so easy before Louis and his girls happened.

Harry could just completely get lost in dancing, practicing few hours during the day and during the night he could get lost in strangers and music. His relations were loose and flexible, and now with Louis they could never be because of his daughters. Their hook-ups were almost never spontaneous as Louis had to find a babysitter and fix up an excuse for Cassie and Franky. They also spent a lot of time together as friends and Harry really grew to liking their friendship despite his initial reluctance. He kind of wishes he just flunked after their first night as he originally planned.

Now it's gotten so messed up and complicated it scares him. Feelings, plans and doubts weight on his shoulders and are so heavy that they crush him to the ground. They push him to make a decision but there are just too many roads and he has no idea which one is the right one to choose. He's at sea and no one is coming to save him from the storm.

The wind blows at him harder, shaking him off from his thoughts. He looks around the empty and dark park and feels like he's the only man left, the one left alone. And so he does the only thing that kept him sane all these years - he dials his mom’s phone number. His hands shiver as he waits for her to pick up. He waits till it goes to voicemail. Once and twice. After he tries for a third time - still unsuccessfully - the tears pick at his eyes. He feels like a child and a fool and yet can't really put himself back together.

Finally an impulse, the feeling of drying tears ice cold on his cheeks, makes him stand up and walk where his legs can carry him. Constant tears blur his vision but the coldness keeps him from stopping until he reaches his destination.

Louis' front door.

He knocks on them lightly, knowing that the girls are probably already asleep and Louis possibly is too but there's a slim chance he's still awake, and that's the last resort Harry has. He urges his body to desist from shaking and he quickly wipes his tears off. After a few minutes he knocks again, a little stronger and this time Louis hears him.

He can hear Louis grumble under his breath about this rude, unexpected visitor but the words dry on his tongue as he opens the door to Harry. His eyes widen comically as if his first thought was that he's having a hallucination but then shock changes into astonishment and the 'o' of his mouth changes into unsure smile. His hair is a mess, sticking in every direction and goose bumps appear on his bare forearms when they feel the coldness Harry has brought. All of Harry's self control is gone.

"What are yo-," Louis doesn't get to finish his question because Harry can't hold himself back anymore and just throws his body into Louis’ arms. Louis’ hands hesitantly go to wrap around his middle, palms open on his back. Harry buries his face in Louis’ shoulder and soon wets it with tears. He feels Louis tense and he’s afraid he will push him away, Harry brings him so close that there's no space left between them.

"Harry," the soft, pleading tone calms Harry's nerves but isn't enough to stop him from crying. Louis seems to understand. "Let's just- let's go lie you down."

Harry nods lightly and unglues himself from Louis, right now settling for just his hand. He doesn't dare to lift his gaze from the floor all the way to Louis' bedroom. Louis helps him undress to his briefs and lies him down under the covers. He then goes to turn the light off and joins Harry in his bed. Harry senses that Louis knows better than to try to get anything out from Harry. He smiles sheepishly to let Louis know that he's grateful and apologetic. Louis seems to understand and just caresses Harry's cheek till they both fall asleep.

Harry wakes up first again. His eyes open easily, his bones are feathery and his skin is comfortably warm. He debates whether to go back to sleep or not, but when he notices how heavenly Louis looks - now he can’t take his eyes off of him. His edges are softly blurred, his lips perfectly red and his lashes falling like cascades on his cheeks. But his hand rests on his shoulders so it’s quite high and Harry knows from his own experience that the cramp later is going to be painful. He gently removes it from his body and puts it on the sheets between them. That small force causes Louis to stir and sigh, and eventually to wake up. He opens his eyes slowly, reluctantly, but a small, shy smile appears on his face as soon as he sees Harry.

“Mornin’,” Louis mumbles, face half-hidden in the pillow. “How did you sleep?”

“Really good, best in weeks,” Harry admits in a whisper and causes Louis’ smile to grow but he also notices that he moved his hand even farther away from Harry’s body.

“Happy to hear that,” Louis says also in a whisper. The question pushes its way on his face, uncovering itself in worried wrinkles and unsure parting of lips. Harry patiently waits for what's coming. “Harry, I think we should talk about last night.”

Harry just nods, trying to keep his expression unreadable. He can see the wires working in Louis’ brain as he tries to figure out how he should form his words. But then he sighs, turning to lie on his back, facing the ceiling.

Harry frowns but minutes pass without them saying a word and he feels like he’s walking on the edge. Undeniable tension is between them, making Harry anxious and unsure. He wants to run away but something holds him back in place.

“I’m pregnant,” Harry whispers but in the quietness of the room his words are screamed out.

The air escapes Harry’s lungs and to catch it again he needs to sit straight. He looks at Louis like he’s crazy, kind of the same as Louis stares at him.

“What?” Louis asks dumbfounded like maybe he’s heard wrong.

Anger floods in Harry’s veins. “You heard me,” he snorts, pursing his lips in tight line. “See, even you aren’t happy about this,” he adds, anger changing into sadness and somewhat disappointment.

“No, I-,” Louis tries, but is clearly lost for words. When he sees Harry roll his eyes and move to get up, he grabs his hand and laces their fingers. “I’m surprised, yeah. It’s a bit unexpected,” He has to tighten his grip on Harry’s hand in order to keep him from slipping away. “But it’s not a bad thing, okay? We’ll make this work.”

Harry looks up at Louis quickly, his eyes wide and skeptical.

“How, Louis?” he asks, but it sounds more like an accusation for Louis, and he jerks his hand from his hold. “It’s hopeless. We’re not even together and it ruins all my plans. We’ll both be miserable in the end. It’s just like another Becky situation.”

He knows he shouldn't have said that the second the words got out by the way Louis leans away and the hurt is written all over his face and posture.

“It’s so not the same, Harry,” he explains quietly, like it’s hurting him to even say that. “Maybe we haven’t really been together but we’ve been together as friends and that was enough to make me think about some stuff. This included and I can assure you it’s not the end of the world," as he say it, he puts his hand under Harry's t-shirt on his still flat but firm stomach. Harry really wants to believe him.

“But how do you know?” Harry asks, his voice tired and begging Louis to make everything right.

“Because I love you,” Louis confesses, no doubt heard. Harry’s heart skips a beat, like after he gets right a very complicated move, but he doesn’t let it show on the outside. “I may just know you as a friend but that was enough for me. I got to know all your annoying habits, I dealt with your perfectionism and  conceit , and even if I don’t know everything, I know that nothing I’ll find out won’t make me love you any less. And if you know me like I know you, you should love me too,” he adds whispering, all guards down.

Harry needs a minute to let all of Louis’ words sink in, to scan them and find a lie, but there’s none. This overwhelms him so much that his head feels dizzy but somehow his heart has never felt more at ease. He reaches for Louis’ free hand, the other, still on his belly, and that makes him look up at Harry. He looks uncertain like he might take everything back but Harry, for the first time ever, is sure.

“I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> So glad you got to the end! Please leave a comment with your thoughts about this! :)
> 
> Also, hope you noticed that Ed Sheeran song refrence ;)


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